Photo Credit: Tantek

I remember the first time I realized that money would never buy me happiness. I was sitting in my room; going over my bank accounts, perplexed by how there always seemed to be barely enough cash to cover my basic expenses. Irritated that I hadn’t been shopping in weeks or bought even so much as a t-shirt in ages, I began to fantasize about how much better my life would be if I just had a little extra money. Suddenly determined to find out just how much extra per month I would need in order to feel comfortable with my lifestyle, I took a scrap piece of paper and began totaling my current monthly expenses and some imaginary ones that I believed would make my situation better.To start, I accurately totaled my rent, groceries, bus and train fare, those dreaded credit card payments, miscellaneous expenses, my monthly savings, and tithes. Next, I went to work imagining all the extra stuff I’d need to include in my monthly budget in order to be satisfied. I’m not sure what that initial “wish list” included, but I knew it looked something like this:Eating out: $150/monthShopping: $250/monthManicure/Pedicure: $80/monthWeekend trips: $150/monthBooks: $40/monthHair Products: $30/monthInvesting: $200/monthTotal needed: $900 extra per month At first, I felt pretty good about the things that I had come up with. Although I knew that finding an extra $900 a month was going to be darn near impossible for a college student, I felt that I was at least being modest in my desired lifestyle upgrades. For instance, I am a huge vintage clothing lover, so $250 on clothing was reasonable to me considering all of the cool clothes I knew I could snag for relatively low prices. Similarly, I knew that if I took the bus for weekend trips from Washington, DC to New York or Philadelphia, then $150 was more than enough to cover transportation. I was proud as punch as I looked over my list, thinking of all the bigger luxuries I could have wanted instead. In my mind, I had made concessions even if they were only on paper. The way I looked at it, the things I wanted “weren’t even that bad”.As they say, “pride comes before the fall”, for no sooner than I had spent the imaginary money on my imaginary life in my head, did a small but persistent thought come to my mind:“When you were 13, this was the life you always wanted.”As I pondered that statement, I was instantly transported back to the suburbs of Detroit where I grew up, at a time when it was my mother’s responsibility to take me and my friends to the mall, and $20 was all I had for my weekly (and sometimes biweekly) allowance. Luckily for me, $20 was all I needed as my friends and I would spend our Saturdays putzing around the mall, buying lip gloss, movie tickets, fried rice from the food court, and what we thought was a chance at “the good life”. In other words, $20 made me a content kid, but I was never short on imagination as I dreamed of a day when I would leave my parents’ house and create a life for myself. I would go to college, live in my own apartment in a big city, have great friends, and do all the exciting things that were out of my reach as a 13 year old.As I sat in my bedroom, in my own apartment, in a big city, not too far from my college campus, with great friends that I had just spent the weekend with doing exciting things, complaining about my perceived poverty, I suddenly felt that I was being just a bit insensitive to that little girl’s dream. It was as if she were looking in on my life, with her lovely yet awkward, 13 year old face pressed against the glass, and I was ignoring her, too ungrateful to notice that in my hand I had everything she had ever hoped for.Slightly embarrassed, I asked myself “How much money will be enough?” and I immediately knew the answer.No amount of money would ever be enough. Now before I sound like I’m swearing off earning extra money, I’m not, I’m simply stating that “earning more money” was simply a cover-up for my real issue. If I couldn’t learn to be content with what I had now, how could I ever learn to be content with what I have later?Since that day of reflection, I’ve tried super hard to learn how to be happy with what I have now. Although I shun complacency, as I believe we should always strive for our best, life is a gift, not a given, and it’s worth appreciating our lives in all the stages that we go through. I know it sounds corny, but as we gear up for the holiday season that is all about buy, buy, and more buy, I challenge you to see just how much of what you have is already enough. I now know for sure that money cannot buy me happiness. Happiness starts with me, and I have to learn everyday that who I am is enough.