Are you really about this life when it comes to your own success?

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I ask you that because a lot of people are working hard, setting goals, and doing what is necessary in order to achieve the desired success they seek, only for them to get to the brink of success to find themselves tearing it all down by self-sabotaging it.

You might have asked yourself this old age question of why you can’t seem to get past that certain plateau, why you can’t have that breakthrough. The truth is, you might not really be about this life. You might want the success that you seek, but your mind might not be programmed for it, and that's what I mean when I say you're really not about this life.

You attract what you think. So, if you say you are “about this life”, then you have to support that with actions and mindset. How do you do that?

Listen to my podcast and I’ll talk about how you can be about this life.

Notes from the podcast:

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Believe in yourself

Do you believe that you are the kind of person who’s made for success? Most people would say definitely yes, but their actions are in total contradiction of what they are saying. You may say you want to be successful and set out to do the nitty-gritty of actually making it happen, but when you get closer to actually making that thing come to pass, you suddenly pull back off throttle, because deep inside, you do not believe in your ability to succeed.

The reason why you find it hard to succeed has a lot to do with your frame of mind and beliefs. Mindset and beliefs, you believing that success is not for you, is very, very powerful. So be careful in how you think, you need to program your mind to succeed. If you don’t, your mind’s eye, your subconscious mind, will not allow you to get there.

You can only go as high as whatever the standards you set your mind to reach. You can’t break past that and it is true. You can only go as far as your lowest limiting belief. Stop sabotaging yourself and steering away from success by believing in yourself.

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Avoid Procrastination

Procrastination is your way to to respond to the underlying lack of belief in your ability to do the task at hand. Everybody experiences this, and at times, I still do. Procrastination has somewhat became my way of creating an excuse to temporarily escape a situation that needs immediate action.

I remember not too long ago when I was asked to speak at an event. It was my first time speaking at this kind of event and I was actually kind of nervous. I was procrastinating on putting the speech together and I just did not know what was wrong with me. A few days before the event, I had the strongest urge to shop at Victoria’s Secret and I made all kind of excuses to buy matching undergarments for the clothes that I would wear at that event. I found myself convinced that it was of utmost importance that I made up all kinds of rationalizations and justifications.

In my mind, it just became the most important thing ever because deep down, I was actually just really nervous about the event and so I had to stop to realize that my mind was playing tricks on me. I remember on that day I spent about 6 hours at the mall, which I never do normally.

I realized that subconsciously I was doing it on purpose because I was avoiding the hard work of starting my speech, so I was operating in a way that would all but guarantee that I would not be able to pull off this speech because that was the underlying belief I had at that time.

Be aware of the things that hinder you from getting what you want. You have to change whatever mindset you have right now that is contributing to your struggle.
Just like an operating system, every action you take will be confined to your operating beliefs and just as you cannot run Apple programs on a PC, if you want to run new successful, achievement-oriented programs on your own operating system but your current operating system is designed for those beliefs, then you are going to have to get new ones.

How do you get a new operating system? If you're playing with self-doubt and you ultimately do not believe well for yourself, how do you turn it around? I've noticed that there are three keys to really programming your mind for success and truly being about this life.

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3 Keys to Programming Your Mind for Success:

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1. Identify yourself with success and not with your struggle.

Refrain from identifying with your struggle and start identifying with your success, even if you are not successful yet. You have to start claiming your success, aligning yourself with what you want in life. You have to have the conviction about the fact that you are successful, that you will be successful in the future and that you're not supposed to be here.

Focus on creating rather than limiting yourself. Some of my clients would say, “Oh, I really want to do this but I don't have the money”. Then they’re almost fighting with me about how broke they are and then at the same time they are mad that they never seem to have any money. Well, you can’t have it both ways.

Don’t fight hard for something that limits you. Have conviction about the fact that you are a talented individual, you have immense wealth within yourself, because of the talent that you have, and the ideas that are your creativity. So even though your bank account might not reflect the dollars that you need right now, you are confident that you are able to create something. You have the ability to create something out of nothing if need be, because you have the talent to do that.

I always tell my clients , “you have to have conviction, regardless of what your current situation is, because you're not supposed to be there. The success you seek is where you're supposed to be. That's home for you, you're supposed to be there."

Unfortunately, people have more conviction about their current struggle than they do their future success.

You have to stop identifying with struggle and failure and start rejecting it. Really, just put your foot down and get some righteous indignation, as I like to call it, about the fact that you were made for great things.

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2. Position yourself in situations where you can experience and get comfortable with the level of success you seek.

Set standards. Put yourself in situations and environments that give you a taste and a glimpse of the success you seek so that you will be comfortable with it.

Keep exposing yourself to the things at a higher standard that would be represented by what your definition of success is, so that things that are not in that realm start to become uncomfortable for you. By doing so, you become more comfortable with the trappings of success and that makes it much easier for you to get there and you're less likely to sabotage yourself because you're comfortable with it.

When we were younger, my mom took my sister and I to a fancy NAACP dinner and we got brand new dresses. My mom’s explanation for why she was taking us to these kind of fancy events was that when we get to the point where we would be successful and get invited to the White House, we would not feel awkward or uncomfortable . It was so funny, we were talking about this recently because I actually did have the opportunity to speak at the White House this past January. I went to speak about my business of all things, which was really cool. She then reminded me of those past events. "Remember that NAACP dinner? And I said you might get to go to the White House some day, so it's really important for you to be exposed to this environment." Well, this is exactly what it’s all about.

People self-sabotage on the brink of success, because when it gets real and they see that it could actually happen for them, it sucks to feel foreign. The default human tendency is to reject anything that feels foreign because we fear that it may harm us. You may be rejecting success because 1) you don't identify with it so, you're identifying more with your struggle than you are with your success ; 2) you're rejecting it because you're not familiar with what success feels like.

To align yourself with success, you must have that kind of mindset that prepares you for your own success. Up your wardrobe game, invest in quality clothing that will give you the confidence you need. Whatever it is that would make you feel successful, go for it. If you still can’t afford it, at least give yourself the “feels” of how it would be like when you finally reach that point where you want to be.

It’s okay to go to a store and try on those shoes or that dress. You don’t have to buy it if you can’t afford it. Just go. I find it amazing that people won't even bring themselves to these stores. They won't even walk in because they feel like they don't deserve to be there because they are, once again, identifying with their current situation.

If it’s going to give you the motivation to get yourself into a higher level of success, then go for it. If you want to be successful person, start acting like one.

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3. Surround yourself with people who are achieving success at the level you want to achieve.

Be relentless with this. I say this is super important for women especially because this cures the "but I'm just a regular girl, I can't possibly do that. They're Oprah, I'm just me."
I'm dumbfounded by how many women don't take action on their goals because they don't think that they're special enough or that they are qualified enough.

Stop short-changing yourself. Stop thinking that you’re not worthy.

I say this to women especially because women tend to be obsessed with perceived requirements and qualifications, which at the end of the day is really just a self-worth issue.

No matter how much effort you put on getting that perfect website, getting that certification, if you don’t think you’re worthy of the success you desire, the sad thing is, even though you get those things, it still won't be enough.

Some of the wealthiest people in this country don't even have college degrees. But it didn’t stop them from building something out of nothing. I’m not saying that it’s not important to have a degree. It is. The thing is you don't literally have to be physically around these people, you can read their books, listen to their interviews, watch their speeches online, and just soak yourself in successful people. Whether that's in real life, or from a distance via the internet or books. Immerse yourself in people who have come from your situation, and are still succeeding in their chosen area despite of it.

When people start to look down on you, and start questioning your success, have the conviction to say that you deserve that kind of success, and that no one else is worthier of it than you.

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